I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.