Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch