I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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