Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
