It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
