I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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