I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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