We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
