saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
