Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
