okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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