i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
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That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
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All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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