you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Your tits are I can't wait for
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
