Your dad touched me again.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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