I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
