wrigley field is MILF paradise
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We need to get me chipped asap
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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