Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
false alarm. still invincible.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
