I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
