chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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