I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
where are you?
Hypothermia
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
