Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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