I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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