tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
