I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
