I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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