Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
