i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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