You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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