You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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