I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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