the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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