I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize