Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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