Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
