I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
