Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
