The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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