So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She's the barista slut.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
