dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
