Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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