I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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