The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
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Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
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Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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