Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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