now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
