its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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