How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
