The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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