If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
