i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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