I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
