Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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