Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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