Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's never too late to be topless.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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