I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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