This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
